Disappointment

Disappointment can be one of the toughest pills to swallow. It’s really worse than being upset. Have you ever had your hopes set higher than reality, yet it is not fulfilled. Life is full of disappointments, but how do we deal with them? I’m stepping into place of reflection right now to be transparent, so patient with me as I break this down.

Usually disappointment comes from something or someone that is held in high esteem. It hurts when you have to be let down, but also regroup and find another plan of action. It seems like disappointments are all that you deal with. I went through a place where I was let down time after time. Hoping for that big scholarship. Denied. Somehow I was good, but not good enough. Leaning on people for support. Denied. They seemed to be the ones who turned against my dreams. Looking forward to my first semester of college being a breeze. DENIED. I’ve learned more life lessons than I thought I could handle (read my previous post). At one point it seems like all of it was happening back to back.

When you’re in that place of disappointment, it hurts more than anything. Things have happened that you had no control over, which makes the reality of it so much worse. It seems to trump all of the good things that you have encountered.

Now here’s where I shift: Your disappointment is meant to redirect you! That’s it. It’s just that simple. May be easier said than done, but it is the truth. Did you disappointment deny you from something? Well, make another plan of action to achieve that one thing! Somebody let you down? Lean on God more, and learn to make things happen for yourself. Things are tough? change your routine to make it easier on yourself. Got the complete opposite outcome? Learn the lesson, but KEEP PUSHING! Take those disappointments and make them positive.

No matter what it is, you have the power to change! Life and Death is in the power of the tongue! First you must think it, then speak it into existence! You have the power to change your disappointments. All things work together for your good! No matter how they look, you can make it better.
The key is:
1) GOD
2) The power you have to command your life!
Once you realize the power you have over your life, nothing will be able to stop you. It may bring you down for a second, but it will not keep you down!

I love you all! Xo.
Tiana

Twitter: Cutiepiee_

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Four Months of Life

College is really a preparation for life. You’re placed put in the world having to be on your own, making important decisions and planning for the rest of your days to come. For me, it is one of the most bittersweet times. I’ve only been in college for one semester, but that was enough to change me for the rest of my life.

This is my first time on my own in the world. Five hundred miles away was a big step for me seeing as the longest I left home was a week. I struggled and still struggle with being on my own. It is difficult when you have to rely on phone calls and text messages to keep in touch when everyone is so far away. Sometimes loneliness will sneak up on you and smother you. It’s rough mentally, physically and emotionally. There is no hug from the ones you need it the most. Emotions become unbearable because nobody understands. Mental strength leaves when you need it the most because of late nights, early mornings and busy days.

You learn who is truly for you. Those who claim that they will send things and keep in touch seem to disappear with each passing day. You’re forced to make friends with people who come from different parts of the world and can be completely different than you. Sometimes that call or text to someone back home isn’t answered until the next day, if its answered at all.

Survival becomes your life. Especially for a student traveling so far from home, everything is no longer at your disposable. Some days you have to go without the things that you need. Money starts to run low. The cafe isn’t serving anything worth eating. You have to learn how to work with what you have because what you have is all that you get.

You can no longer be the carefree person that you once were. There is no room for mistakes. Pity is no longer granted. Every choice you make virtually impacts your life. At times, there is no help, so you have to make your own way and somehow think of something out of nothing.

God is really the only thing that keeps you sane. Through all of it, He really is the only one to see you through all of the craziness, although the craziness seems to make Him feel so far away.

Don’t get me wrong, college is amazing. The freedom is endless. The parties are always jumping. The new relationships that you make are priceless. The experience is wonderful. It’s just the lessons that can be hard. Life lessons, I mean. The big point in all of this is: College has taught me that pain only pushes you forward. Some days the pain is unbearable, but it’s helping you to grow. I just so happen to be in that stage myself. As I evaluate what I have gone through in these last few months, I can’t see my lessons as being all bad, even though the pain of learning it is tough. You must take things with a grain of salt and see the lesson behind it all. Open up your mind to the big picture and release yourself from the small box of only seeing things for face value. Life is so much bigger than that. It’s amazing for me to think about how only four months of college has forced me to be outside of my comfort zone and really, I mean really have to put on my big girl panties. Some days, I must admit, I can be a baby. Comparing August to now, I am so much more than when I began.

For those of you who are on your way to college, just know, everything happens for a reason. Your end result will be better than the beginning if you just stick through the process no matter how tough the process is.

I love you all! Xo.
Tiana

Twitter: Cutiepiee_

My Attention is a GIFT, Not a GUARANTEE!

It took me a minute to find a topic for my next post. Just joking around, I finally found my next topic: Attention. I made a post not too long ago about attention. I was directly speaking to those who crave attention. Now, I’m talking to those who require attention but do not return the favor. When I refer to attention, in this context, I speak on attention in a general meaning. This is for friendships, and relationships.

Now let’s chat.

It is one thing for a person to try to get attention, but it’s a totally different thing for them not to reciprocate. Let me break it down further. It’s not okay for someone to require a friend, significant other, or acquaintance to constantly provide attention, yet cannot take a minute out of the day to do the same. Better yet, they cannot even be courteous enough to give the same amount of attention. Some people really have the game twisted.

If you are a person that has the juice (as many of us like to say), then one day you are juiceless… You need to check what you’re doing. You cannot expect for people to bend their backs trying to make you feel important, and they don’t get the same reaction. With friendships, people will not be there for you, show you the loyalty and support that you need unless you are able to match it; same for relationships.

Since the beginning of time, the world works through trade. Want something? Match my price. Period. Nothing is 80/20, everything is 50/50 – scratch that – everything is 100/100. For every action, there ought to be an equal reaction. What you put in, is what you get out.

Now it’s time to self evaluate.
-Do you wonder why people don’t treat you the same?
-Do you no longer get the attention that you once had?
-Do you have a problem with someone showing you the attention you “think” you deserve?
If you’re having a hard time answering these questions, or your answer is yes, then check what you do.

I love you all! Xo.
Tiana

Twitter: CutiePiee_

“What you grow, is based on the seed you sow.”
– Bishop Edgar Vann

*not only applicable to tithes and offering*

The Thirst is Too Real

Why must folks be so thirsty? The world may never know.

Let me back track for those who may be a little lost… Thirsty is a term commonly used by teens to refer to the act of begging for attention or going to extreme measures to gain attention. Now back to the regularly scheduled program…

People are taking ‘Thirst’ to a new level. The things that people do to get attention is ridiculous. Especially on social media sites. Twerking videos, half naked pictures, you name it, I’ve seen it and then some. People think it cute, but it looks desperate.

We are approaching valentine’s day weekend, and I’ve seen thirst reach an all time high. Now let’s pause for the cause. Valentine’s day is meant for dedicating a day to somebody special or a significant other. Let me ask this: Why, oh why, are people begging for somebody to be their valentine? If you don’t have a significant other then follow these steps:
1) Stop the Thirst
2) Dust Yourself off
3) Wait for somebody to come, if they don’t then be happy with being with yourself (stick a pin in the underlined phrase)
4) BE YOUR OWN VALENTINE, or Treat a friend/group of friends

Trust me ya’ll it’s not the end of the world if you don’t have a valentine. No 2014 valentine? Cool. Wait patiently for somebody to come along next time. Waiting for somebody worth being a valentine is a lot better than searching for a temporary, insignificant one. Same goes for Sweetest Day!

On a normal day, its no different. I see people begging for attention; directly and indirectly. I just want some of ya’ll to know that you have to learn to be comfortable with yourself. If you are comfortable with yourself, then you won’t need – scratch that – you wouldn’t want attention. Don’t get me wrong, its always cool to ask for somebody to talk to. Doing it all the time? That’s not cool.

If you are pics or videos to bring attention to your body, you may want to check your self-esteem level (see my last post). If your begging for somebody to always talk to or chat with on social media, check your desperation level. Twerk videos every week? You just need to have a seat.

Since I’m talking about thirst, let me address how people are quick to use the word thirsty. If someone is showing interest in you, then it is NOT THIRST. Unless they blow up your phone 24/7 and they can’t catch a hint, then you may happily label them as thirsty. Now if they are genuinely showing you that they would like to get to know you, and take the time to give you the attention you are begging for, then that is labeled as caring. Half of you complain about wanting some attention and when somebody is willing to go above and beyond that, then ya’ll call them thirsty. I don’t understand that.

We, as a generation need to get it together. There is too much priority placed on gaining attention and there is no urgency to be comfortable with being with yourself. Be comfortable with the little attention you get. All attention isn’t good attention. You shouldn’t want everyone in your space because no every is benefitting you (this will be a whole other post that is coming soon). Only have a few friends or people to talk to? Make the most out of it! People please, people please, people please. Don’t let somebody special pass you by because you want to sit on your high horse and call them thirsty. Just keep that in mind.

I love you all! Xo.
Tiana

Twitter: CutiePiee_

“It’s an interesting combination: Having a great fear of being alone, and having a desperate need for solitude and the solitary experience. That’s always been a tug of war for me.”
– Jodie Foster

“I finally faced the fact that it isn’t a crime not having friends. Being alone means you have fewer problems.”
– Whitney Houston

Love Yourself!

Why does the world tell us that we – ladies- have to look a certain way to be labeled beautiful? High cheek bones. Skin of marble. Hair down to the waist. Wide hips. Thick legs. Eyes of a different color other than brown. Flat stomach. We have to be shaped like the ideal “coca-cola bottle”. The world wants us to look perfect, but perfect is impossible.

Real beauty comes in different shapes and sizes. Curvy, straight, round, or boxy. No matter what your shape is, you are beautiful. Being different is beautiful. Knowing that in some way, you don’t look like anyone else. Even identical twins have something that makes them different, even though the difference is a slight fraction. What I find unattractive is looking like everyone else. Being different makes you special. Irreplaceable.

Real beauty is being comfortable in your own skin. Love who you are and love what you look like. Even supermodels need make-up and a little photoshop to make them seem flawless. Learning to make your flaws work for you is attractive.

My point in saying this: Ladies, please stop compromising your bodies to make someone else think you are beautiful. The way you are now, with your clothes on, flaws and all, you are gorgeous. Never forget it. Don’t let the world swindle you into thinking your not. You don’t have to take half naked pictures for people to notice you. You most definitely don’t need to over accentuate your curves. The greatest curve you have is your smile.

The One who created us made us just the way He wanted. Embrace you. I don’t know about ya’ll, but I love my skinny legs, big forehead, and all. Yes, we all have our insecurities. It’s perfectly normal. We are all human. Do not, under any circumstances, allow your insecurities to make you change. FYI, I guarantee that your knight in shining armor, wherever he may be in this world, will love you for who you are. Your REAL friends will love you for who you are.

If you don’t tell yourself that you are beautiful, if you don’t see yourself as beautiful, nobody else will.

I love you all! Xo.
Tiana

Twitter: CutiePiee_

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God’s handwriting.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Presentation is the Key

As many of you may or may not know, I’m quite on The Gram (Instagram) quite. So I see a lot of things down my TL – everything from shout-outs, games, and regrams. You name it. More often than lately I’ve been seeing so many posts of half naked females. If I see another, I’m going to SCREAM! So, I was inspired to write a little on self-esteem.

Self-esteem: n : A respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.

I felt the need to put the definition up because we often times like to think of self-esteem and self-respect as being two separate things. No, they are the same.

Just as a check point: This post is specifically for my ladies who are reading. Not to discount my guys, I promise that I have something for you guys soon.

Any who… Recall my last post in which I discussed who we must love ourselves. Remember? Great. Now let’s take it a step further. I have some ladies that do not love what they see in the mirror, and apparently there are those who love themselves too much.

“What do you mean by that Tiana?” I’m glad you asked.

By loving yourself too much, I mean those of us who feel the need to show our goodies on social networks or walk around half-naked. Some of us may think it’s sexy, and some of us may think boys like it. Well, let me shed a piece of knowledge upon you. It’s not cute at all. Yes, boys like it, but boys do not respect it. MEN, more specifically GENTLEMEN, do not want women that advertise themselves to the world.

Let me break this down a little further…

Ladies, by letting everything show, posting half naked pictures and not actually putting clothes on, you tell an awful lot about yourself. Here’s the list as it follows:

1) You do not truly respect yourself.
-If you respected yourself, you would keep yourself covered up. A woman who respects her body cherishes and understands the importance of leaving things to the imagination. You may think highly of yourself, but you have to reciprocate and also respect yourself as well.

2) You are asking for attention; the wrong kind of attention
-By showing your body, a gentleman will not chase you. Nine times out of ten, you will end up with a dog. Hint: If a dog is always chasing after their own tail, why would they pass up yours? A gentleman like mystery and will not want a woman that everyone else can see.

3) You will tolerate being treated as less than a lady
-To men, they will treat you how you present yourself. If you present yourself as a lady they will treat you as such. If you present yourself as trash, no matter how cute you are or what you have going for you, they will treat you as trash!

My point I would like to place on the table is that the ladies in my generation need to do better, we have to do better! I see so many girls complaining about how guys don’t respect them, yet they don’t respect themselves! Trust me, if you present yourself correctly, then a guy will approach you correctly AND treat you correctly.

Not all guys are dogs, yet all guys are not gentlemen either. You must present yourself as a lady but also demand it as well. Now, I am not saying be stuck up, that is not the key. If a guy does not love you for your smile and your brains, but only loves your body, that is the wrong one. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. He needs to go. Now, a gentleman, will appreciate you because of the simple fact that you present yourself as a lady and demand to be treated as such. They want somebody that knows their worth and knows how to present themselves and act accordingly (that is a topic for another day).

Ladies, my plea is that you take what I said and just think about it. Don’t present yourself as a lady because I asked you to, but do it because you RESPECT and LOVE yourself just that much.

I love you all! Xo.
Tiana

Twitter: CutiePiee_

“Perhaps the surest test of an individual’s integrity is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect.”
– Thomas S. Monson

The First of Many

Hey everybody. Im Tiana Whitely, 16 years old. Junior at ULS. I have a plethora of hobbies and things I love to do. Cant possibly name them all. I like to think of myself as a 1 Peter 2:9 kind of person and not ashamed to be that way. Just a small intro of me.You’ll learn more about me as you read on in future posts.
For a long time I’ve know that my purpose in life is to help people but I wasn’t sure how. God gave me this idea one day when I was joking around on twitter saying that I was going to write a book about “Playing Roles”. I brushed the idea off because I was joking originally. And as the days went on, things in my life- mainly dealing with relationships and friendships- made the idea come to mind again. Once again I tweeted saying that I was going to write about Playing Roles. And it came up yet again in conversation with some friends, I said it as a joke again. Ever since then It has been on my mind. I was told that something that weighs heavy on your heart deals with some purpose you have to fulfill. So here I am now.
So I’ve been contemplating on whether to sit down and write a book, or to make a blog. Well, my final decision is pretty evident. I thought the blog will have more advantages than a book. This blog isn’t just for females, its for everyone to read. There will be advice from a wide range of POV’s. I’ll be discussing all different types of topics.
I hope my blog will be helpful and give some useful insight on life and the issues we have to face. Sometimes the advice that we get come from people of a different generation. And usually it doesn’t help. The advice is great but it only worked for them in a different era. Sometimes it’s comforting to hear things from someone that is just like you. Something I hope my blog accomplishes is to let all my fellow teens out there know that they aren’t alone. Many times it seems as though the things we must endure only happens to us, no one understands, or maybe no one even cares. Im here to assure you that 10/10 that is not the not the case. There is someone else out there that is going through the same exact thing you’re going through. Its comforting to know that you’re not alone. But the disturbing truth is that many of us don’t have the opportunity to get a simple glimpse of knowing they aren’t alone because we as a people don’t like to talk about our troubles to each other. We are scared of being looked down upon or embarrassed to tell what we’ve gone through; Not knowing that by having a simple conversation, we could help someone else or even help ourselves.
For those of you who are reading this, whomever you may be, I hope my future posts will be of some benefit to you. Know that life is a struggle but you don’t have to go through it alone. I hope I impact your life in some kind of way. Thank you for reading and allowing me the opportunity to help. You are much appreciated.

I love you all! Xo.
Tiana

Twitter: CutiePiee_

“Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time, and always start with the person nearest you.”
– Mother Teresa